Special Agent Bailey Brittin has been at 826CHI for some time now. She volunteered for us for a while, then took on the role of superintern, and has for some time continued to volunteer for us in a way where you might still assume she was a superintern. It’s tricky, we know. To the untrained eye, one might not be able to tell the difference. But to her fellow spies, it is clear that Bailey is simply a tireless and remarkable person who believes wholeheartedly in the work of 826 and is willing to give literally hundreds (but for real—HUNDREDS!) of hours to support our programs and students.

In fact, we’re fairly certain that there hasn’t been a program or event at 826 that Bailey hasn’t worked with and made just a little bit better with her talents. Agent Brittin has been a long-standing help in in-schools, where her background in secondary education has been a great benefit to students. (Her biting humor also makes her incredibly popular with high school students.) Bailey is also a staple at field trips, and to date, she has bound about 5,276 books for our young writers to show to Admiral Moody. She is a regular face at tutoring (where she is a bit of a rock-star among our middle schoolers for introducing them to the Twilight series), and has been a great support at countless workshops. Bailey has bravely faced new adventures with us, including the now-cautionary tale of “the day we ate too much sea salt during the high school workshop,” and “that time she waited two hours for us at the post office.” And, of course, Bailey has befriended many a new spy through her expert operations in the Boring Store, where you can often visit her on Sundays.

But it’s not just her program and spy supply prowess that makes us lucky to have Agent Brittin around. It’s her overall just-kind-of-totally-GREATness. Bailey organizes our supply shelves without us asking. She offers to stay for tutoring if it looks like we could use another person. She brings us pumpkin chocolate chip cookies just because they are delicious and she is fantastic. She volunteers her family for events and then actually gets them to enthusiastically participate. And she does it all so generously; we simply don’t know what to do with ourselves.

Before too long, we’ll have to give up Agent Brittin to a high school, where she’ll be one of the coolest English teachers ever. When that day comes, we’ll miss seeing her as often as we do, but also be rather glad so many students get to learn from her. In the meantime, Agent Brittin, we are so truly grateful for all the time you give to 826, and we hope you know how much we adore you.

Agent Dani Hoyler is kind of a big deal. Recently, Dani was bestowed the title of “Best Bartender in Chicago” by Metromix, and now, Agent Hoyler is being inducted into the prestigious ranks of Spy of the Month. Talk about an award glutton.

Agent Hoyler’s Spy skills are off the charts. Dani snuck in under the radar when she started working at the Boring Store during the summer of 2007. Within a very short amount of time, she had infiltrated 826CHI’s morning fieldtrips, fundraisers, and social events. At times, she has even done all of these things in a single day.

In addition to being an all-round excellent spy and volunteer, Agent Hoyler is a lady of seemingly unending talents. Despite her purportedly mediocre driving skills, Dani is a preternaturally gifted parallel parker. She also gives people cakes–cakes!–no apparent reason, but always with the added touch of having them elaborately decorated with sardonic messages. Also, we hear that Agent Hoyler is also a reformed madrigal singer, but so far, this is the one talent she has not shared.

The talents Agent Hoyler has shared, however, have been stunning. While in The Boring Store, Dani has assembled roughly 8,756,302 cardboard boxes–even constructing an enviable box fort on one occasion. She has cut out approximately 40,981 disguise moustaches and she has charmed countless guests and customers. The warmth and humor she brings to the store go over equally well with the countless students Dani continues to work with during field trips.

We simply can’t say enough about Agent Hoyler, so we’re going to let her speak for herself:

What is your personal theme song?
“The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats. Because, well, we can dance if we want to.

Who are you frequently mistaken for in public?
Sadly, I am often mistaken for Steven Segal–we have very similar ponytails. Sadly, my martial arts skills are much lacking. With my newfound fame, however, I’m hoping not to be mistaken for anyone, but rather to be stopped on the street and recognized constantly. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

What has been one of your favorite moments at 826?
My favorite student-related memory occurred about six months ago when we were doing a Small Group Bookmaking with a class of 5th graders. I had five energetic boys! You could tell that four of the boys were the class clown types, very goofy and talkative. The other one was the quiet type who sits in the back and stares out the window.

It has always been my belief that the kids should have an equal share in the creation of the story. Generally, there is one child who has all the ideas and makes all the other children go along with how the sequence of events unfolds. I think that what we do in the Small Group Bookmaking field trips are a great way to ensure that everyone has a say.

It took some prodding, but the quiet little boy finally started engaging in the story. Soon he was chirping in nearly as much as the other children. It was great to see him come out of his shell like that. I knew when he thanked me and told me that it had been the best day ever, he actually meant it.
What’s your favorites line to use in The Boring Store?
I actually try to stealthily attack each and every spy who attempts to infiltrate The Boring Store (and 826CHI) with the USB missile launcher. It is a very good conversation starter. Otherwise, I just yell “Hello, spy!” at everyone and anyone who walks into the store–even our very lovely mail-lady.

[It’s true. She does.]

What is your favorite part of being at 826CHI?
Besides writing songs about the Pats?! There are two things I love about 826. First, it is an amazing community. The people who are involved with 826CHI are great. They are funny and clever and goofy in a refreshing way. I think 826 attracts my kind of person, and I’m amazed that through 826CHI, I have reconnected with people I had been out of touch with for almost and/or over a decade. Otherwise, I really love doing the storytelling and bookmaking field trips. It’s nice to feel that, even if momentarily, you’ve had a part in constructively shaping the way a child feels about reading, writing, and ultimately being creative. Yeah, I know that sounds corny, but isn’t that why everyone does it?

Agent Hoyler, you continue to amaze us along with all the students you help at 826CHI and all the strangers you pelt with foam missiles in The Boring Store. From the bottoms of our grateful spy hearts, we salute you!

‘Tis the season for competition. It’s in Chicago’s blood. The blood of its baby bear and sock-mascotted baseball players, the blood of its presidential politician and its in the blood of tile-wielding Scrabble lovers. It is tournament time. 826CHI is proud to announce our fine fall event: SCRABBLE for CHEATERS.

It’s a SCRABBLE tournament with a dishonest twist for an honest cause.

Teams consisting of two players (so you can have someone to blame in the improbable event you lose) compete in a fierce Scrabble tournament where the traditional use of brain power mixes with the alluring use of officially sanctioned cheats. Depending on how much money a team raises for 826CHI, that team will be able to buy cheats for the tournament from our cheat chest and use them against their competition!

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WHO: Tournament is open to any and all player pairs willing to lay their tiles on the line.

WHERE: As China has yet to finance the building of our official Scrabble-adium (that is to look like a hornet’s nest precariously placed on an ice-cream cone), the competition will take place at 826CHI & The Boring Store at 1331 N. Milwaukee Avenue.

WHEN: Saturday, October 18, 2008. High Noon.

WHY: For the children. For prizes that defy words in your vocabulary. For the chance to become CHICAGO’S CHEATING CHAMP and have a trophy to back up the title!

HOW: E-mail cheaters@826chi.org with your (1) team name, (2) player names, (3) team fundraising goal by September 21st. Sign up now! We only have space for 32 teams. The registration fee is $30/team.

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After a team has signed up, anyone and everyone can come back to our website and pledge their support for the team(s) of their choice. By donating money to the team, the pledger increases the opportunities for the team to buy certain cheats. It is therefore advantageous for team members to raise as much money as possible. During the tournament, teams will use their cheats against opposing teams.

If you’d like to be an event sponsor, or for any other information, please contact Patrick Shaffner at 773-772-8108 or patrick@826chi.org.

UNOFFICIAL TOURNAMENT RULES
Each team must have 2 players.
Each team must have a team name.
Each team must dress like a team on the day of the tournament.
Each team must arrive by 11:30 a.m. on the day of the tournament.
Each cheat purchased may be used only once. Cheats will be officially bought/issued on tournament day.
Turns are timed at 2 minutes. Games are over at 1 hour.
Cheating is encouraged.

THE CHEAT CHEST
$25: THE SWAP: Trade out a letter
$50: THE NON-CON: buy a vowel
$100: THE BLANK: Flip a letter over and make it blank
$150: THE AUGMENT: Add 10 points to any letter to increase its value
$200: THE ALSORANS: Add Q, Z, or X to any word
$250: THE KOSHKA: play a word in any non-English language
$300: THE CONFER: Consult the dictionary for one turn
$400: THE SPURN: Reject an opponent’s word for no reason
$500: THE WEBSTER: Invent a word (must have definition)

Neither 826CHI nor this fundraiser is sponsored by or affiliated with Hasbro, the makers of the SCRABBLE®-brand, tile-based word game.

This month, we give a much-deserved salute to Agent Justin Skolnick, who came to us a year and a half ago and instantly became our resident Computer Guru. A spy to be reckoned with, Agent Skolnick lists his special talents as “stealth and dexterity” and is fluent in many of the classical languages: HTML, PHP, and what he calls “some JavaScript” (if you know Agent Skolnick and his self-effacing ways, you’ll know this actually means he knows it inside and out).

Truth be told, we really have no idea what any of this means. What we do know is that Justin makes some really beautiful things appear on our computer screens through his magical touch. Ever used our online form to sign up for a field trip or a workshop? That’s Justin at work. Filled out our volunteer form? Yep, Justin again. Checked out our blog, donated to our programs, or browsed the handsome faces of the Moustache-A-Thons? Justin. Justin. Justin.

In fact, at the very moment you are reading this paragraph, Justin is likely hard at work, patiently fulfilling one of the countless “Justin could you add/change/put up/switch…?” requests that we fire at him on a regular basis. Agent Skolnick rightly noted the fact, “I have a talent for patient listening,” on his volunteer application; and in his time with us, he has certainly proven it in kind. He has also (perhaps in an effort to quell our unending questions) cast a number of spells over the Internet so that we are actually able to make changes on our own, and Justin continues to work on a semi-secret master-plan to revamp the 826CHI website—more details on this mission to come as intelligence becomes available.

But—though we can’t believe he ever found the time—Agent Skolnick isn’t just our “Web Guy.” He has also been an asset and a joy for student programs such as tutoring and field trips. He has gone out of his way to spread the word of 826CHI a number of times—such as by participating in the very Moustache-A-Thon for which he designed the Web page. He also continues to offer the 826CHI staff genuine and touching praise and support, which, gee whiz, is just kind of embarrassing, considering all he does for 826CHI himself.

With Justin’s Renaissance-man qualities, it follows that Agent Skolnick has just embarked upon a journey through grad school at the University of Chicago, where he’ll be spending the next three years learning all things theological. From there, we’re not sure where he’ll go, but we are confident that it will be toward great things, and we hope it will continue to lead him back to us in small ways.

For all that you have done and continue to do—Agent Skolnick, we salute you!

In February of 2006, we thought it a bit odd when we received a new volunteer application and the sky suddenly opened up to the heavens. It seemed out of the ordinary that rays of celestial light beamed onto the computer screen, and it gave us pause when faint chords of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony could be heard in the air. But then we shrugged and got ready for tutoring–after all, these things happen at 826CHI. Little did we know that there was, in fact, a very logical reason for all of these phenomena: Agent Carrie Colpitts had just joined the volunteer spy-ranks of 826CHI.

Where can we possibly begin with Agent Colpitts? Carrie joined 826CHI as an intern and went on to remain an über volunteer, supporting literally every aspect of 826 programming with brilliant style and awe-inspiring dedication. But one thing we’ve learned from her–with Agent Colpitts, wonders really never do cease. Carrie has floored us countless times by spontaneously organizing all of our supplies, cleaning even the remotest netherworlds of 826CHI, decorating the bathroom (twice!)–even hooking 826CHI up as paid extras for the upcoming Batman movie, The Dark Knight (this woman knows people)!

Also, have we mentioned that Agent Colpitts could craft Martha Stewart under the table with one glue gun behind her back? If you ever found anything lovely or intriguing at 826CHI, she has probably had a hand in it. Carrie has now designed the Moustache-A-Thon ‘Stache Sash two years in a row; she has created our entire stock of moustaches for The Boring Store; and she crafted about eight skillion corsages and boutonnieres for the 826CHI Prom. Oh, and if you’d like to send Carrie a “Thank You” card for any of this, feel free to write it on any one of the incredibly charming greeting cards she has also made for the store. Yes. Really.

We don’t know quite how, but Agent Colpitts consistently accomplishes all of this while being an extraordinary mentor and teacher for each student she has worked with at 826CHI. It surprises us not at all that such an incredible person would also become an educator, and that is exactly what Carrie is doing: this fall, Agent Colpitts becomes “Ms. Colpitts” as she completes her student teaching and receives her master’s degree in secondary education. While we know this means we will see her somewhat less frequently, we have no doubt that her warmth and talents will continue to be felt at 826CHI. And also, on behalf of the entire universe, we are overjoyed and grateful that Carrie is going to be a teacher. Agent Colpitts, we thank you, and Carrie, we are your greatest fans. (Really, did you give us any choice?) For all that you do, we salute you!

Think back, spies, to when you were merely wee spy-lets. You all had a vision of the coolest adult ever, didn’t you? Probably this person could come up with all sorts of cool ways to help you with your homework, even if it was your super-hard second grade book report. And probably this person was also really well-versed in spy paraphernalia and could not only tell you the specifics of that grappling hook you had your eye on, but could also invent neat spy lore and even create spy-themed activities. And probably, if you were exceptionally good at imagining this cool adult, they were really good at baking delicious snacks and could, in fact, frost 48 cupcakes in less than 5 minutes. Your younger-spy self probably thought such a person sounded amazing, but could never actually exist. But, spies, you were wrong—she does indeed exist. Her code name is Special Agent Jess Galli, and you can find her in The Boring Store.

Agent Galli made her stealthy entrance into 826CHI last summer–and just like that, she was a staple in The Boring Store. We’re not sure how Jess became such an ideal spy. Was it her experience at DePaul University studying that most clandestine field of theatre, Dramaturgy? Quite possibly. Were her preternatural motor skills a result of her baking gig at the Bourgeois Pig Café? Undoubtedly. (We hear she can also make really good biscotti.)

Whatever the reason, it is clear that Agent Galli has become an invaluable spy at 826CHI. She has saved many a day at tutoring, charming our younger students while leading them to homework victory, and getting even reluctant writers to churn our some hilarious stories. We will also be ever-indebted to Jess for the time she saved our drop-in holiday party by repairing umpteen graham cracker houses that had been hastily iced by those with less baking prowess than she possesses.

When not being an outstanding tutor, Jess is flexing her spy muscles in The Boring Store, where she can sell pigeon oil while telling people about 826CHI workshops while helping Agent Shaffner come up with a new spy activity while mounting an interactive mannequin head tube talker on the wall while being genuinely cheerful the entire time. Amazing.

It is little wonder that everyone wants to hang out with Agent Galli. This summer, she’ll be working in the arts education department at the MCA creating arts and crafts activities for kids and families to do together. After this, she’ll be heading to South Korea to teach English and win every heart in the Eastern Hemisphere. It is also her secret plan to end up in the city of Busan, where she’ll be only a 45-minute ferry ride away from Japan–where, she confides, “I plan on wasting all my money playing Dance-Dance-Revolution. I’m gonna be number one!”

Agent Galli, we will miss you beyond words, but we hope to hear many great things from South Korea, and we are fairly confident that we will not be the only people to think you’re the coolest adult ever. For your time as an 826CHI special operative, you have our unending gratitude. Agent Galli, we salute you!

Special Agent Meghan Keys loves a good moustache. When it comes right down to it, she is actually, how do you say, a bit of a connoisseur. Her expertise is likely due in no small part to the fact that her father proudly sported the world’s most amazing handlebar moustache–complete with wax!–throughout her childhood. (Honestly, the photographs are pretty phenomenal.) But here at agent headquarters 826CHI, we are more of the opinion that it’s really because Meghan embodies the term “Super Spy” and all that comes with it.

Agent Keys has been part of our illustrious team of volunteer spies since our first year of operation, and from the very beginning, her support of 826CHI has been anything but covert. It’s very common to hear any of the following around 826CHI:

“Who would could come with us to the Family Literacy Night?”
“Oooh, maybe Meghan could come!”

“We’re going to need some help working the front table at the event. Who would be great at talking to people about 826CHI?”
“Meghan would be perfect!”

“Is there anyone that could lend a hand in the store next week?”
“Meghan might do it!”

“Could any of the TAs lead that workshop?”
“Meghan would do an amazing job!”

Seriously, all those conversations have existed, and we’re not sure how Agent Keys continues to put up with us, but time and time again, she has made our programming all the more spectacular through her time, energy, boundless creativity, and all-round 826CHI Super Spy enthusiasm.

Most recently, Meghan has been seen around 826CHI leading fellow volunteers in making prom decorations, where it has been made amply clear that Agent Keys, is in fact some sort of craft ninja. The things she can do with cardboard and balloons is almost eerily flooring, and we await Prom 2008 on May 17th just as eagerly for the decorations as anything else.

But back to moustaches. Agent Keys recently demonstrated her Super Spy ’stache expertise at Moustache-A-Thon 2008, where she reigned supreme as Prosthetic Grower Champion and winner of the coveted Moustache Tiara. Clearly, she was in her element–during the course of the competition, Meghan created both a Moustache Cake (complete with rather delicious moustache icing) and a golden moustache piñata (craft ninja!) because, as Meghan says, “A party is not a party without a piñata. A party is also not a party without a moustache.” We couldn’t agree more.

Following this upper lip victory, we asked her a few questions about the experience and a bit about herself as well:

What do you do when you’re not at 826CHI?

Even though there have been a plethora of them, I’d have to say Prom 2006 was a good one. This is why I am so excited for Prom 2008! It’s going to be even better than the last one, I’ve been promised–and, in turn, will promise you. So you should come and ask me to dance so I am not standing in the corner holding up the wall.

Agent Keys, not only will we ask you to dance, we would also like to thank you: for the countless hours you have put into making 826CHI what it is, for your commitment to our various programs, and for your incredible interactions with our students. Agent Keys, we raise our ’staches to you!

Special Agent Mike Schramm is one of the most covert individuals we’ve ever known. In October of 2005, just as we opened our doors, Mike snuck into 826CHI and he has been stealthily volunteering ever since. Mike can slip into and out of a room faster than anyone we’ve ever seen–sometimes so quickly, that the only way we know he has been there is because our students have finished all of their homework and had a great time at tutoring, or something was really well-written and edited during an in-schools visit, or a field trip went particularly well, or there was one more striking upper lip during our Moustache-A-Thon. These signs are all typical calling cards of the legendary Agent Schramm.

When not at 826CHI, Agent Schramm is a freelance writer, which, he says, “means I’ll write whatever you want for cash.” Don’t let his offhand attitude fool you, though. Mike writes for three different blogs owned by AOL–two about videogames, and one about all things Mac. Frankly, he’s kind of a big deal. Mike also volunteers at the Neo-Futurists, which may be where he’s honed his comic style. On first glance, Mike may strike you as a quiet individual, but it is a well-known fact that if you get him going, he is in fact so funny that those graham crackers you got for “snack” at drop-in tutoring just might shoot out of your nose. Painful, but worth it.

Due to his clandestine ways, we thought it pertinent to ask Agent Schramm to answer a few telling questions as we honored him this month:

What is a secret talent of yours we may not know about?

Only a few people have ever seen me do it, but I can pretty adeptly play the ukulele. I also know a few good magic tricks. And I am a pretty talented Euchre player, so if you ever need a partner who will know not to trump your ace with a bower while you’re in the barn, I am your guy.

(Note: We have absolutely no idea what this last part means, but we’re fairly sure we’re never going to put money on a Euchre game against Mike.)

Who are you frequently mistaken for in public?

Later, I found out she was talking about a guy named Elden Henson, who is a real movie actor, looks just like me, and not only was in Idle Hands (with Seth Green and Jessica Alba), and all three Mighty Ducks movies, but also, yes, did appear in a movie with Sharon Stone called The Mighty.

(Note: Does anyone else see the pattern, here? Even strangers can tell that Mike is an individual with “mighty” tutoring and spy skills!)

What has been your favorite drop-in tutoring moment at 826?

I’m not sure if telling them this will make them more inclined to do their homework or not. I’ll probably keep it to myself anyway.

We’re sure he will.

Agent Schramm, we thank you for your tireless efforts and the surreptitious but countless ways in which you have made 826CHI a better headquarters for tutoring, writing, and espionage. Don’t tell anyone, but we salute you.

Don’t be alarmed. That screaming and cheering you heard on February 29th wasn’t your ears playing tricks on you again. It was the sound of 26 first graders receiving a “Seal of Approval” on the books they created during an 826 field trip.

On this Leap Day field trip, students came to 826CHI from Mrs. Kaufman’s class at Alcott School. When they arrived, they were told that a very serious task awaited them–Admiral Moody, our curmudgeonly (and perhaps fictitious) publisher, was demanding one great and original story, and the jobs of 826 volunteers were on the line. Speaking to the students via walkie talkie, Admiral Moody was rife with disparaging comments about both student writing and the odds of the class’s books being approved for publication. It wasn’t pretty, but Moody couldn’t have been more off-base. Mrs. Kaufman’s students plugged on and created the impressive and epic Leapy’s Birthday Adventure, the story of a kangaroo determined to have a great birthday with his friends despite the surprise appearance of his nemesis–a giant, goth turtle. The class left off its group collaboration with a cliffhanger ending, and each student went on to finish Leapy’s escapades and create a happy ending for our perseverant marsupial. Students then finished off their books with illustrations and had their books bound, each with its own author photo–where, of course, each author was sporting a solemn expression and a rather lustrous moustache, the well-known trademarks of any good professional author photo. In the end, books were given to Admiral Moody, who despite all odds, actually approved every book for publication (which clearly has never happened before and will never happen again at our field trips). The verdict was met with the deafening applause of 52 small hands, several triumphant dance moves, and much “woohoo”-ing. Our congratulations to Mrs. Kaufman’s class on creating such phenomenal stories!

Mrs. Kaufman’s group is just one of nearly 100 elementary, middle, and high school classes that will visit 826CHI during this school year. To date, we’ve had original characters ranging from a rockstar fox with laryngitis to a hapless oxygen molecule named Oxymoron to a particularly dastardly Jack the Ripper who uses the ultimate form of torture on his victims: interpretive dance to “Eye of the Tiger.” We’ve had wonderful details and use of plot throughout the year, with no shortage of bite-your-nails problems and nick-of-time solutions. And mainly, we’ve had the good humor and enthusiasm of several hundred students. We look forward to even more great writing and memorable classes in the coming months.

Every good emissary has an extensive range of talents, but we are fairly confident that there is nothing – NOTHING – that Special Agent Mindy Bartholomae can’t do. Mindy began her undercover volunteer operation at 826CHI a little more than a year ago, and already she has proven that her skills know absolutely no bounds. When she is not scoping out the city with her trusty Westies, gardening all over Chicago, beautifying nearby Commercial Park, or hitting complicated yoga poses, Mindy can be found at 826 doing pretty much–well, everything.

Where do we possibly begin? A former GED and family literacy teacher, Mindy now uses her skills with younger students as a consistent asset to 826CHI in-schools and drop-in tutoring. From elementary to high school students, there is no one that Mindy does seem to instantly hit it off with, and her work with students tends to yield amazing things. It’s also fairly common for a few small students to run to Mindy when she walks in during tutoring – honestly, we can’t blame them.

Agent Bartholomae also holds a rather impressive 826CHI record–“Most Often Threatened to Be Fired From a Non-Paying Job.” During our frequent Storytelling & Bookmaking field trips at 826, Mindy works her Storyteller magic as often as twice a week. (At one point Agent Bartholomae made the mistake of telling us she lived in the area and giving us her phone number in case we were ever short-handed for this role.) Even with this impressive consistency, her job is always on the line with our spoilsport of a possibly fabricated evil publisher, Admiral Moody, and he threatens to fire her–constantly. Mindy takes it all in stride though, and somehow manages to create a remarkable and original story with a classroom of students each time.

It would be hard to choose, but perhaps out favorite attribute of Agent Bartholomae is the fact that she so genuinely cares about 826CHI. We hesitate to say this, but she even cleaned our restroom once. We actually tried to stop her, but she is surprisingly strong. And our restroom is really beautiful now, by the way.

Quite honestly, when it comes to supporting 826, Mindy is one of the most amazing multi-taskers we’ve ever seen. If you need anyone to captivate and motivate students while gardening, playing the mandolin, cleaning your tutoring facility, dropping everything to come to your aid, and generally being all-around incredible, we’d have to recommend her. Agent Bartholomae, we simply can’t imagine how you do it, but we’re certainly grateful you do.