Writing Gallery

The Story of Lary Snakefish, the Martian Jellyfish

December 21st, 2011

Once upon a time lived a Martian jellyfish named Lary Snakefish. He had dragon wings and was orange with blue and yellow polka dots. He lived in a seaweed house in Jellyfish Ocean on Mars. Lary was no ordinary jellyfish. All the jellyfish on Mars had dragon wings, but Lary had the special ability to breathe fire.

Every morning, Lary would wake up feeling super grouchy because he hated waking up in the morning. He would go and drink some of his favorite jell-o coffee with a side of cranberry juice. Then he would put on his jellyfish hat and gracefully float to work.

Lary worked at the library. His favorite thing to do in the whole wide world was to read. He liked to read books about dragons, baking, dolphins, and Power Rangers. The only problem was that everyone in the library hated when Lary worked because he breathed fire, so he would sometimes burn the books.

One day, the head librarian, Mrs. Seahorse, who was surprisingly an elephant, came up to Lary and said, “Lary, you keep burning all of the books. I’m going to have to fire you.”

Lary replied, “I understand. I’m so sorry. Could I pay for the books?”

“Yes, but the books are really really expensive! You burned 100 books so you will need to pay a trillion dollars!” said Mrs. Seahorse.

Since Lary no longer had a job, because he got fired from being a librarian, he had no idea how he was going to earn a trillion Martian dollars.

“Oh no!” said Lary, “What am I going to do?” 

Crackle’s Adventure

October 19th, 2011

Once upon a time lived Crackle, a half-dragon, half-horse with a snake tail. Crackle lived in a blue and orange cave with red carpet in Greece. When Crackle was bored, he liked to play games on X-Box and eat spirals Macaroni and Cheese. He drank an entire 24 can case of Mountain Dew every single day. Crackle’s most prized possession in the whole world was a golden sword.

One day, Crackle was called up on his iPhone for a special mission. His boss, Mr. Bopwork told Crackle, “I have a mission for you. You need to go to Rome and find the ancient crystal so it can give my Mom super healing powers and save her life.”

Crackle set off to Rome but when he got to the dark canyon where he heard the crystal could be found, there were ninja crocodiles covering the crystal.

One of the ninja crocodiles said, “Hey, ‘sup man? I’m Mr. Ferguson.” Crackle was surprised that the crocodile was so funny and friendly.

“Hey dude, I need that crystal,” Crackle said.

Mr. Ferguson replied, “No way! This crystal charges my superpowers. If I give it to you, they will turn weak and disappear into another dimension!”

Crackle responded, “Okay, then let’s battle it out in a ping-pong competition. Whoever wins gets the crystal.”

“You’re on like Donkey Kong!” Mr. Ferguson replied and pushed the little red button on his watch and a ping-pong table and paddles appeared out of nowhere.

Crackle and Mr. Ferguson began the game. The game was going strong. Mr. Ferguson was worried he was going to lose. He knew he needed to do something.

“Hey look! My enemy Mr. Slowpack is stealing the crystal!” Mr. Ferguson said to distract Crackle. Crackle spun around to look at what was happening and Mr. Ferguson slammed the ball with his paddle to win the final point.

“Hey! You cheated! You will pay for this!” Crackle said, and realized he had developed a superpower. This power was super-tickle-ray. He shot out the rays on the crocodiles and they all fell down in laughter. Crackle ran and grabbed the magic crystal. He ran as fast as he could out of the canyon and left all the crocodiles laughing hysterically.

Crackle got into his invisible hover car and flew all the way back to Greece. When he got there, his boss was away at a pool party so he had to go to Mr. Bopwork’s mother’s house himself. When he got there and she answered the door, he was surprised to see that she was a grasshopper with pink wrinkly skin like a pig.

“Oh, hello Crackle! What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Are you doing okay?” he replied.

“No, I’m very sick,” she answered.

“Well I have something that will heal your sickness forever! Can I come in?” Crackle replied.

Crackle went inside, opened the crystal and melted the center. He stirred the liquid and put it into her ear so it would seep into her brain.

Suddenly, Mr. Bopwork’s mother jumped up and did the disco and the conga all around the house.

“Thanks for healing me, Crackle! You’ve saved my life, young one!” she said. The two of them each ate fifteen bowls of macaroni and cheese and drank four liters of Mountain Dew. They all lived happily ever after.

The Adventures of Mike the Unicorn, Spiral, and the Mean, Green, Pasta Alien

September 28th, 2011

Once upon a time lived Mike, a blue robot unicorn with a purple mane. Mike had three horns and was a butler who sat in a lava cage. Mike didn’t like to sit in the lava cage, because he had a dream to travel the world and eat crunchy, spicy lava rocks! Mike’s best friend was Spiral, who was a girl robot unicorn. Spiral drove her boss’ hummer limosine.

Spiral and Mike became friends when she drove by his lava cage one day and said, “Hi, how are you doing?” 

Mike said, “It’s really hot and burning, and I want to get out!”

Spiral said, “Let’s be friends, and I’ll figure out a way to help you get out.”

Mike could not get out of his lava cage, though because his boss, Bob, wouldn’t let him. Bob was a green spaghetti pasta alien who lives in a gigantic castle made of yellow pasta with gray clouds and lightning always over it. Bob kept Mike in a lava cage because Bob was mean and didn’t like Mike.

“Stop! Bob, why did you put me in this lava cage? Get me out of here!” Mike said.

Bob replied, “I really don’t know why I keep you in the lava cage, but it makes me feel good.”

Bob the alien kept Mike the unicorn in the cage for two million years (which translates in earth time to one second). Then, Bob finally decided to let Mike out of the cage so he can go take his hummer limo driving test. Spiral, Mike’s best friend, also happened to be at the Department of Motor Vehicles, having her license picture taken, looking very fancy with her purple mane and rainbow horn.

Mike whipsered to Spiral, “Help me, or I’m going to go back to my lava cage and be tortured by tickle monsters!”

Spiral said, “You should fail your test, and then you’ll have to take it again.”

So, Mike failed his first driver’s test and had to take it again. The second time Mike went to go take his test, Spiral snuck in the car, and they drove away in Bob the alien’s hummer limosine. 

Bob the mean green spaghetti alien yelled after Mike and Spiral, “I’m gonna get you!”

Bob called the green spaghetti alien cops to get back Mike, Spiral, and his hummer limosine. Mike and Spiral were being chased by three hummer limosines filled with green spaghetti cops....

{What will happen to Mike and Spiral?! Use your imagination and create your own ending!}
 

INTERROCKATIONS: DAS RACIST

August 07th, 2011

 

Recently, a group of 826CHI students attended the Pitchfork workshop where they learned about music journalism from Pitchfork.com contributor Pat Sisson. They then got to put their skills to the test at the annual Pitchfork Music Festival in Union Park by interviewing many of the bands.

Every Monday for the rest of the summer, we will be updating the 826CHI writing gallery with their pieces. So, in the coming months look for interviews with James Blake, Neko Case, Das Racist, Fleet Foxes, OFF!, G-Side, Cold Cave, No Age, Juliana Barwick, Zola Jesus, Kurt Vile, HEALTH, DJ Chrissy Murderbot, Battles, Shabazz Palaces, Woods, Sun Airway,  Battles, The Dismemberment Plan and DJ Shadow.

Here is an excerpt of 7th graders 826CHI students Cherokee and Amelia in conversation with Heems, Kool A.D. and Dapwell aka Das Racist! 

Das Racist: Be easy on us. We’re tired. I see you got the ice cold mean mug ready.

Well, this question goes right to your songs. What do you like better Pizza Hut
or Taco Bell?

This is an age-old debate we’ve had in the band.  I’ll like Taco Bell.
I’ll go with Taco Bell as well.
We go with Taco Bell because, although they are both nutritionally very bad, Taco Bell probably has more fiber in the beans.
Yeah, and more vegetarian options-- more fiber and more vegetarian options.
Don’t do drugs.

How did you come up with your band’s name?

We stole it from a TV show named Wonder Showzen. It’s for kids.
It’s kind of a kid’s show, yeah.

Have you ever been to a combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut?

Never.
I’ve been to one.

Are you serious!? You’ve never been to one?

No.

Dude, I’ve been to one.

That’s crazy, yo. You’ve got one up on us.
I’ve been to like two or three. I like them. I like the options.

Why did you come up with that song [Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell]?

We came up with the song because we were bored. What do you have that pen for?

I don’t know.

They just told you should do it if you’re a reporter. You should be noting the little characteristics… how we might look… maybe the surroundings. What’s the name of the thing you guys are in?

826

826 Valencia in San Francisco?

No, Chicago.

I used to work there actually. I was helping set up the ones in the other cities, back when I cared about human beings.

Do you guys like sushi?

Yeah, I like sushi.

What is your favorite food?

Sushi.
Yeah, sushi.

So, why do you guys make random, awesome videos about chicken and meat [Chicken and Meat]?

Why? We get bored.
People with the ideas ask us to be in them and we rarely say no.

I watched your videos like 10 times each this morning.

Oh yeah, do you feel dumber now?

No, they’re awesome! What did you do with that knife in the music video? How
did you not get hurt?

We stood like 23 feet apart.
Yeah, we stood like 1 or 2 feet apart, so we generally had enough room.

How do you think you are going to do on your performance today?

I think it will be okay. I don’t think it will be very good. I don’t think it will be very
bad. I think it will be all right.
Yeah, I would say either okay or all right, as well.

What are you going to play?

Probably "Who’s that Brooown!" and "You Oughta Know" and "Lucky Star" by Madonna.

What’s your favorite vegetable?

I’m going to go with Jack Fruit. Is Jack Fruit a vegetable? It has fruit in the name, but

it might be a vegetable, right?

Does it have a seed?

Yeah.

Then, it’s a vegetable.

So, why’s it called Jack Fruit?

If it has a seed in the center, it’s a fruit.

Okay, so it’s a fruit then.
But Jack Fruit feels so vegetabley to me. It doesn’t feel like a fruit.

So what’s your favorite vegetable?

I don’t know, cause tomato’s a fruit. I don’t think I have a favorite vegetable off the
top of my head. How about cauliflower? I will go with that for now, even though I
don’t think that’s right.
I like okra.
I like avocado too, but that has a pit, so what’s that.
It’s a fruit because peaches have pits too. Fruits have pits and seeds. So what’s a
coconut? People call it a fruit, but it’s not.

It’s like a giant seed.

It’s a nut. Seeds and nuts are in a similar family, right?

Is there any style of music that you just don’t like at all?

Ah, rap…
Jazz, I hate jazz.
I don’t really listen to country music, but Lady Antebellum I definitely have on
repeat.

What’s your favorite fast food restaurant?

I’ll do Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.
Yeah, I would go a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.
Dollar Ten Chinese!
Yeah, we like cheap Chinese food. Expensive Chinese food is pretty good too.

Can you guys rap well? Like free styling?

Yeah, we can rap very well.
I can rap just okay.

Who inspires you?

You guys, you know. We do it for you guys and other kids like you.

Yeah, I watched your videos like 10 times today!

Yeah, you don’t like us that much though.

What are your hobbies other than music?

I like watching movies.

What are your favorite books?

If I had a gun to my head, which you should never do, I would say Invisible Man by
Ralph Ellison, but only if I had the gun.

So you guys don’t like reading?

No, he likes reading a lot. He can’t pick one, but if he had to he said he would pick
that one.
I like reading okay. I wouldn’t say I like it that well.
I’d say you declined in the last month, but you used to like it.

Are you excited for the festival?

Yeah, we’re excited.

But you don’t think you are going to do that well?

Yeah, we’re so excited that we can’t do well.
We are so excited, we’re not sure we can do the best we can ever do, but we think
we will do okay.

Why aren’t you going to play Combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut?

Maybe we will do it now. Are you going to be hanging out over there?

I wish. We’re leaving before you play. The workshop ends.

Well, if you aren’t going to be there we’re not going to do it.